Just a Wacky Day in Middle Earth
by The Reader of Books
Summary: Gotta read it! I'm not saying zip!


Author's note: I have no clue where I got this idea. I think I was watching the two towers or something and I was really tired and started to come up with this really funny/stupid idea. I mixed in storylines from other movies the actors of the Lord of the Rings did. Including Deep Impact, Hidalgo, X-men, Star Wars, the Missing, Spaceballs... And this is it.

Flame me if you will but if you don't like the story I don't see why you're wasting your time reading it and reviewing it. If you don't like it, don't read it! There's an idea!

PS: Make sure your sitting when you read this.

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One nice sunny carefree day in Middle Earth, the fellowship (excluding Boromir cause he's dead) decided to have a picnic in Lothlorien with Galadriel. Galadriel had brought Atkins Wraps from Subway because she was watching her weight. Celeborn didn't join them for lunch because he was down at the beach getting a sun tan. Suddenly Frodo jumped up and kneeled before Galadriel. From his pocket he produced two gold rings.

'I'm the famous Leo Beatermin and I haven't used my fame for anything yet. If you marry me, we'll be family and you can survive the comet about to hit the earth. Please. It's your only chance to survive.'

Galadriel smacked him.

'One, I'm already married. Two, if I marry you, you'll probably want kids and I am not on this Atkins diet for nothing!'

'Damn baby, that's cold', said Frodo rubbing his cheek.

'And if it isn't bad enough, I've already lost one of my dearest children, Lily. Oh my dear Lily, where have you gone?' And she broke down into tears.

The fellowship waited for a few minutes then Aragorn stepped forward and placed his hand on her shoulder.

'My Lady'

Instantly she stopped crying and looked up at Aragorn. There wasn't a tear on her face.

'What? I'm crying here! Leave me alone!'

As Galadriel went back to her 'crying', Sam began to rock back and forth muttering something.

'Sam, what is it?' asked Pippin

'I will not ask her on a date, I will not ask her on a date, I will not ask her on a date.'

'Who on a date?'

'Galadriel. Oh but she's so hot, and everything. You know maybe I should forget the pact I made with my buddies and just ask her. I mean, Frodo asked her to marry him.

'Ugh!' cried Galadriel, 'can't a girl not cry for at least a few minutes before a man asks her on a date or for her to get married?'

'Frodo asked if he could marry you before you started crying', said Legolas.

'Oh shut up Mr. Smartie Pants!'

'I don't care what you guys think right now', said Aragorn, 'unless I finish this race.'

Aragorn whistles, and a horse trots up to him. Aragorn flips on a cowboy hat and jumps onto the horse. He tips his hat in Galadriel.

'Madam.'

And he galloped off.

'He's right', cried Frodo, 'Why does it matter what we think? We're all going to DIE!!!"

Gimli stands up.

'Well, I'm not sticking around for that to happen. Quin!'

A young man runs into the clearing followed by a young woman and another darker man. The first man, Quin, pressed the button on something and a blue vortex opened. The wind picked up and a loud roar followed. The first three jumped into the vortex. Gimli looked at them and gave them a wave.

'Have fun!'

And he jumped through the vortex and it closed leaving the group with stunned expressions. Aragorn comes galloping back into the clearing.

'Well I won. Got my gold right here.' He patted his left pocket.

Suddenly a man came swaggering into the clearing and took a swig out of an amber bottle. He took a few more steps forward and looked at Legolas.

'Will! How lovely to see you! Care for a drink?

He thrust the bottle at Legolas.

'No thanks, Jack.'

'Alright then.'

He lifted the bottle up to his lips. Suddenly the sound of gunfire filled the wood and sent Jack staggering backwards, an empty, broken bottle still in his hand. In Aragorn's hand, was a gun that was still smoking.

'What the hell you do that for', shouted Jack.

'You didn't offer me a drink.'

'Oh picky, picky...', muttered Jack. 'Anyone got a spare bottle of rum?'

No one said anything.

'Bloody scallywags', muttered Jack. And he stumbled out of the clearing. From the other side of the clearing, Saruman walked in wearing very weird clothes.

'Did I hear that the world is going to be destroyed by a comet?' he asked.

Frodo nodded.

'Well I can fix that up in a moment. I'll just get in my spaceship and go blow the thing up. But if I'm not mistaken (you know me being the bad guy in your movie and all) you are on the side of Light meaning you are against my master. So I am sorry but I must kill you. But it was fun filming with you guys and all.'

He pulls out his lightsaber and turns it on. Aragorn takes out his gun again and shoots at Saruman. With a quick wrist movement, he deflects the bullet.

'Here they are! I told you this was the right way.'

Dark Helmet, President Screwed and Colonel Sanderz walk into the clearing. Dark Helmet pushed his helmet up and gave a huff.

'I want to know how Darth Vader breathes in this thing', he muttered.

'You'll have to wait a couple movies. Then he has the mask and the suit.'

Dark Helmet nodded then suddenly jumped away from Saruman.

'Your Schwarts is very big. How did you become so strong?'

'Schwarts? No, no... it's the Force, not the Schwarts! Learn your English.'

'You mean it is the Force and not the Schwarts? I TOLD the director this but NNNOOO! It's the Schwarts, not the Force. Idiot.'

He starts pacing the clearing and runs headfirst into a camera. He falls to the ground.

'HOW THE HELL DID THAT GET THERE??? Ugh, I'm going to go play with my dolls.'

He stomps out of the clearing. President Screwed walks up to Saruman.

'You ever tried that beaming stuff?'

Saruman shakes his head.

'PRESIDENT SCREWED! COLONEL SANDERZ! HURRY UP!

President Screwed runs after Dark Helmet but Sanderz stops for a quick second.

'You really should have ordered KFC. It's finger lickin' good.'

'SANDERZ, IF YOU DON'T HURRY UP I'M GONNA MAKE THE SHIP GO TO LUDICRIS SPEED AGAIN!!!'

Sanderz ran out of the clearing.

'Anyways', said Saruman, ' where was I?'

'You were about to start a sing along', said Merry.

'Right! Ok, let's sing Hanukah Matata.

Saruman started walking around the clearing, sing at the top of his voice.

'I wish he would shut up', muttered Gandalf. 'Wait, I got an idea...'

Gandalf stuck out his hand and the still blazing lightsaber came flying to his hand. The hilt slapped into his palm. Saruman stopped singing and looked at Gandalf, a hurt look on his face.

'That's not very nice', whimpered Saruman. 'I was gonna kill you guys with that.'

'No that wasn't, Erik', said Charles wheeling into the clearing, his wheelchair leaving tracks in the grass.

'And you should know better than to use your powers in front of them. It's too much like the future for these guys.'

'Look who's talking Mr. Wheelchair.'

Charles glared at him then wheeled out of the clearing.

'I'm going home', said Pippin. Merry, Sam and Frodo nodded in agreement.

'Yeah', said Frodo, 'I want to say goodbye to my three headed dog Fluffy before we're all destroyed.'

'But Fluffy belongs to Hogwarts, sir.'

'Right. I'm only baby-sitting.'

'Wait', cried Saruman, ' I haven't got to kill anyone yet!'

'Kill yourself', suggested Aragorn.

'Good idea!'

Saruman grabbed the lightsaber from Gandalf and stabbed him self through the stomach. He fell to the ground. A few seconds later he lifted and said 'you know that kind of hurt.' And died.

A few minutes everybody called it a day and went home.

A/N: No characters were hurt in the making of this story.


End file.
